Subtraction
by LeDiz
Summary: Or, Five ways the turtles dealt with loss. Five drabbles from different worlds, in which our boys (don't) cope with death.


**Subtraction**

**DISCLAIMER:** Never having been a big fan of 2k3, this is less inspired by _Same As It Never Was_ and more inspired by the fics resulting from it. Fiception. Also, right now this is apparently the closest I can do to AUs in this fandom, so… huh.

* * *

With Leonardo gone, the turtles began to fade.

They were still a family, but they weren't a team. Raphael took to the streets alone, wrecking vengeance on petty thieves and criminals. Donatello retreated to his computers, making legal money and then using only quasi-legal means to make it grow. Michelangelo tried to keep busy with fun, and he even tried taking on a couple of jobs, but nothing ever stuck. He tried going out with Raphael once or twice, but soon he joined Donatello in thinking of ninjutsu as a skill, not a lifestyle. The streets didn't call for their protection anymore. Not since Splinter had led them in that revenge mission to destroy Shredder once and for all.

With that done, there never seemed to be much point, without someone to lead the way.

* * *

Knight Templars, Casey called it once. He said that was what the turtles had become.

It was all in the name of good, but that didn't change the fact that what they were doing was _wrong_. They never would have done it, before.

Leonardo had turned to slaughter, utterly decimating anyone who might do his family harm. Raphael was a murderer, hunting down people for what they might do. Donatello had become a true mad scientist, using computers and chemistry to put the fear into the heart of even the strongest military force. Very few dared stand against them.

The humans never saw it coming. Heck, the _Foot_ didn't even see it coming.

And all it had taken was one government agent killing their little brother.

* * *

When she thought about it later, she realised it started when Raphael died.

Without his strength, they couldn't fight the way they had before. He'd always taken the bulk of the force, and his successes would spur the others on to greater heights. Even when Michelangelo stopped playing around and stepped up, he never had Raphael's sheer strength and battle rage. They just couldn't fight in the open anymore.

So they took to the shadows. Stealth. Assassination. If an enemy actually managed to see a turtle, it was because there was another behind them, finishing the killing move. Leonardo learned poisons, Michelangelo mastered deception, and no one ever knew where Donatello had been.

They still seemed like them, when they came to see her. Still laughed, still smiled, still wanted to listen to her problems.

But the whites over their eyes never faded, and April became terrified of her friends.

* * *

It all fell apart. One thing after another.

Raphael first. Not surprising, really – he never recovered. He blamed himself for dropping his guard, and blamed Leonardo for putting them in that situation in the first place. He left, always answering his phone when Michelangelo called, until their network fell, making the phones useless, and he didn't come back.

The lair was lost all too soon. Council workers found them within months. And they never figured out how to get another place the same.

Then they just… they were so unprepared, for every mission. It seemed like their enemies were just getting better technology and resources while the little they had began to fail. Splinter joined them in their battles, but it wasn't enough. Even a grandmaster can only dodge so many bullets and lasers before one gets a lucky shot. That was when Leonardo went his own way. He said it was for training, but Michelangelo knew better.

Three years on, the night the American government publicly ceded defeat, Michelangelo drank whiskey with April and Casey, realised he hated his brothers, and decided he would never forgive Donatello for leaving them behind.

* * *

It was hard, whenever they lost someone. But even if it never got easy, always hurting fresh, they did learn how to cope.

Splinter was first, and that was the worst. It was old age, and they'd known it was coming, but… he'd been their father, their teacher. Their whole world. But they knew he wouldn't want them to give in or give up, so they'd pulled together and coped. Leonardo was harsh for months afterward, training them all harder than ever and picking fights with Donatello over everything, but eventually he broke down in April's arms and things got better.

Raphael didn't deal with Casey's death well. He wanted to disappear – to take his rage out on the whole world, but his brothers wouldn't let him. Leonardo followed him every night, Donatello sparred defensively when he needed it, and Michelangelo sat with him during the day. There were months of tears, anger, and accusations, but on the sixth month anniversary, April came stumbling into the lair almost poisoned with alcohol, and Raphael took care of her for two days straight. Then he started to heal himself.

They expected Donatello to fall apart over April, but it was actually Michelangelo who lost it. Everything had just piled up, and he couldn't understand why they were still here and others weren't. That statement got to them all, and April's death got mixed up in their mourning for everything. It was a complicated period, and they got through it by leaning on each other. They didn't speak much, but the lair filled with noise from Donatello's lab to the TV to the computers. Something was always happening, and they were always together, until one day Michelangelo went to get pizza alone. And that was the start of them being okay again.

They had more friends. More allies. They saw a lot of death. But they had each other. It was only sometimes, when they were feeling dark, that they'd remember eventually one of them would have to go – they were long-lived, not immortal.

But until then…

Until then, they were still four brothers, and together, they could cope.


End file.
